"Selfish ? Yes I am !"
We all talk about love being a selfless emotion. We all hail people for being selfless. It's a very romantic and pure emotion, Yes. Love can be of various forms love to your parents, love to your best friend, love to your classmates or roommates, love to your childhood , college friends, love to your bus-mates, love to your enemies , Oops! it can be even of hate here, but lets be positive and there are many more forms that love exist. But when you live in a practical world full of flawed people, you have to look at things how they affect you, not how they sound. The opposite of selfless is selfish. And we all think that being selfless is good and being selfish is bad. But is it? Good for whom? Good for you? Or good for others? I have tried being both. I was a selfless person, in my childhood or in my early teens. I used to think that being selfish would make me lose people and I would be known as a bad person. So I used to make sure that other's smile becomes my mission. I never used to ask my friends for the same favors that I used to do them. I never used to compare and ask for more. And I was pretty happy to be that good person.
But with time, I realized that I was just allowing myself to be used by manipulative people who doesn't even care about me. They were shamelessly using me by just giving me a tag of "wow, you selfless human! You are very good girl !" But what that label did for me? Nothing. I was lied to. I was used. I was taken for granted. I was hurt. And I was always expected to take every shit, silently. Why? Because I was a selfless person. There were times when people used to expect that even if we treat her badly, she don't mind, she never feels bad. Even few of them mocked about me, be nice in-front of me and talked bad back of me. Even after doing so much they used to still call me a bad and selfish person. When there's any need they would remember me, when they feel alone they remember me, when they are in trouble they remember me, when they are low, they remember me, but when I need, there's no one around me except my parents. The moment I demanded the same respect, the same priority, the same efforts, I was told "Hey, you have changed." Yes, I have changed. I don't want to be this stupid person you can use as a toy and then throw it off. I can't be a use n throw pen, when ever you feel like you will use and when your work is done you will throw me out. I am a human. I have feelings. I compare, and I get hurt when I see that I deserve better. When I see I don't get the same priority, same respect, same good vibes that I provide you. It matters to me that I was there in your bad times, but in my hour of need, all you had were excuses.
I feel proud of myself that I am not selfless anymore. Yes you heard it right ! I feel proud of myself that I am selfish. If thinking about me and my happiness is selfish, then I am happy to be Selfish!
I demand equality in all relationships. You want my time, emotions, efforts, honesty, and loyalty? Well, I would give you that but only if you give me back the same things with the same intensity. Otherwise, to hell with you. I have stopped selling my soul for borrowed love. I can't fake anything, all my emotions are natural. I deserve more. I deserve to feel special, to feel respected. After all I love myself ! If this makes me selfish, then bloody hell I am.
No comments:
Post a Comment